Vegas Episode III:

“Tell us again, Pa. 

Tell us about the time you won your fortune in Vegas.”

 So there I was… Just cashed out from a long night of roulette, a wad of hundreds in my pocket, ready to call it a morning, just take my loot and walk away a big winner.  When all of a sudden, Bryan gets a hankering for the craps tables. Now I’m not one to argue with intuition.  When the craps tables call, there’s no use avoiding ‘em, you’d better answer the call.  It’s the same sort of feeling you get when you realize you’re about the throw up and you’ve been given a short window of opportunity to make it someplace more bleachable, so you’d better get there quick, and put it “all in!”

 So we head over to shoot some craps.  Neither of us have any idea how to play, and I’m just aware of things enough to realize I’m too drunk to be smart and walk away while I’m ahead. 

Bryan and I started watching the pretty chips dance about the pit.  The dice shimmered and flashed like red fireflies embracing and chasing each other on their way to the gala masquerade.  It was all so magical in the craps pit.  We knew we had to be a part of the wonder, no matter our innocence of this fanciful place.  The craps shooters guarded their secrets from us because we were outsiders, mischievous boys who had stumbled upon a thicket-spring hidden somewhere deep in the casino forest.  We did not belong, so we hid behind the wall of the field of play and watched the daydream unfold in front of us. 

When it was my turn to throw the dice I gave myself away to the regulars.  I threw overhand and leaned into it so that the dice ricochet off the table and flew out of the pit and everyone was embarrassed for me or annoyed by me except Bryan, who could appreciate such a thing.

About that time Bryan thought he had discovered a pattern to the movement of chips and dice.  He advised me to put a hundred dollar bill on the Do Not Pass Bar section of the table and I did as I was told because I was drunk, and that means I do whatever I'm told by my peers regardless of the consequences.  A few moments later the money was taken away. Craps?  More like… Shits. We were out of our league, and a long way from home. 

Things were different back at the roulette table, that’s for sure.  Roulette is such a great name- so much better than craps, just by the sound of it, I guess.  I think when I grow up I’ll name one of my many daughters Roulette, or maybe nickname her Black Two, or Double Zero.  If I have a really ugly daughter I’ll name her Paigow, because hey, that’s paigow.*

Looking back, those few hours of playing roulette in Vegas were probably the best I’m ever going to have in my life, especially considering the fact that in a matter of months I won’t ever be able to say, “At least I don’t have an English degree.”

Ahh, but life at the roulette table was sweet.  Drinks were free and served from a tray just inches away from the bosom of a hot waitress.  There was a beautiful girl at the table named Aphrodite who looked like she really could have been in the Adventures of Hurcules starring Kevin Sorbo, and although Ash and Lins** were from Texas, they were actually attractive and unarmed.

I was a rich man then.  Rich with money, rich with booze, rich with friends and also booze.  God, that free booze was great.  If I could only go back there, just think!  It breaks my heart every time I realize that I’m sitting in class, not in Vegas, and the drink girl wont be around for a long, long time, if ever at all.

But we were at the craps table now, and something had to be done to win my money back.  I watched the action on the table a little while longer, and once I got the feeling I put another hundred on Do Not Pass. This was the type of feeling you get after you’ve thrown up and you think, what an awful taste in my mouth, I better wash this down with some more booze! And what do you know, the dice came up snake eyes, which pays out double, so I grabbed the money and fled before the game could seduce me again. 

Before I knew it I was back in the hotel room performing the first ever Lil B Money Dance, which I will try to recreate some time at an XC dance party, or maybe if I win the lottery or make it with “Lins” Lohan.

* Paigow is the term used when you have no face cards in your hand and you will likely lose.

** We called them Ash and Lins instead of the more formal Ashley and Lindsay because that’s just how things were at the roulette table, intimate, yet casual and …sensuous.